I talk to so many women that want their marriages to get better and are just in a season of struggling to love, or even like their spouse. Whenever I fall into the same “space” I realize that it is usually our friendship that is lacking. That is truly the basis for everything because, the looks and “spark” are not going to be there every day, but a solid friendship is what really grows the love between two people.
Without a doubt I would say that Titus (my husband) is truly my best friend and the best “best friend” I have ever had. He has shown me without a doubt that he loves me unconditionally and will always there for me. He looks past all of my flaws and encourages me to be what God has called me to be. He is always my shoulder to lean on, my encouragement, my spiritual leader and so much more. Just like any marriage, we have our ups and downs but there are certain things that I realize have helped us in times of needing to get our friendship back on track. So, here are 5 ways to build a better friendship with your husband:
1. Take time to talk daily.
Every night we take time to sit on the couch and just talk. We talk about our days, our ups and downs and just listen to the other person honestly vent. Just like any friendship, being able to be open and real with another individual about what is going on in your life strengthens your bond. The same works for husbands and wives.
As many spouses have very different routines it is important to take this time. I am a stay at home mom and he works in the financial industry and, there are so many different experiences we both have during the day. We need this time to decompress and share with each other. It leaves us feeling more connected and involved in the other persons day!
2. Be silly.
Life is way too serious in it’s self. There is always something you can worry or stress over. I can tend to be the more serious one, while my husband seems to always be relaxed and playful. However, I’ve realized that being able to be relaxed and silly more often helps us build a better friendship. When you were dating, you were most likely more laid back and laughed more because, there weren’t as many pressures and areas of stress to think about. Force yourself to let go and just laugh together, watch a funny show together or make jokes and tickle each other. Let loose and you will see your hearts bond together.
3. Text/call each other during the day.
There are so many couples I talk to who do not speak at all during the times of 9-5 but, the reality is that if you were dating (even with a full time job) you would find every free minute to reach out and see how the other person is doing. We send each other texts throughout the day. Some days more than others but, we always try to connect just to see how the other person is doing and check on them.
When any of my girlfriends reach out to see how I am and show they care about what’s going on in my life it means a lot and, it strengthens our friendship. The same goes for our friendship in marriage. The more you talk, and show you care and are thinking of that person during your daily routine it brings you closer together in friendship!
4. Go do something fun together.
My girlfriends and I do “girls nights” to just get out of the house and have some fun, kid-free! There is something about hanging out where you can talk openly in a fun atmosphere that just forms a bond that is deeper than hanging out when your watching kids, or multitasking a bunch of different things.
In our marriage, doing dates is so important and life giving to our relationship. There are times that we have let the time go too far and I’ve seen our marriage suffer. However, when we keep dates as a priority we thrive in our relationship. Having time without our kids, where we dress up for the one another and just have uninterrupted conversation really strengthens our friendship. Whether we go out to eat, to a play, on a walk, or rock climbing, just having time to remember what we like about each other is important for our marriage to thrive.
We also go away every year for our anniversary even on a tight budget and, it helps us remember every year that our relationship has to come first or everything else in our household will suffer.
5. Pray for one another.
I truly pray for my closest friends or anyone who shares with me a struggle they are going through. I also let them know that I am praying for them so they know that I care. When my husband tells me he is praying for me, my heart could burst. As a christian, there is no greater sign of love for me than knowing you care about my spiritual life and growth! I pray for my friends for things they share and don’t share with me. As you get close to people, you can see some things they might struggle with that they might not share and I look to pray for those things as well.
This is exactly what I do for my husband. I let him know daily that I am praying for him. I also pray for what he shares and what he doesn’t. The struggles I see, the things we don’t talk about and the things that we do. I pray for every aspect of his life, his heart, his mind and his soul. I pray for our marriage and our friendship to grow and glorify God. I believe that this is the biggest factor in strengthening our friendship. Praying that God will show me how to be a good friend and wife to him and every day I see different ways to do that.
Marriage is hard work because, you have two flawed individuals blending their lives together. Both have many faults and neither is perfect so it takes work to build the love and friendship between the two. I really think focusing on these 5 steps helps grow a deeper friendship in marriage. It’s all about being intentional. After 11 years, these are all things I still have to remind myself to work on daily and be proactive about to help our relationship to continue to grow and not get stuck in a funk. I hope that these will help you as well!
If your looking for more tips to help bring the flame back to your marriage, check out 10 tips for spicing up your marriage!
Feel free to comment below with more tips to help build a better friendship with your spouse! I love hearing your opinions and we can always use more tips as well!
Thanks for reading!