I just had a birthday last week and there is one new resolution I made for myself and that is to let go of perfection. I’ve gotten so fed up with myself and, how I’ve been living to be a “perfect” wife, a “perfect” mom, and a “perfect” friend. Every day I fail at being “perfect” so every day ends with a feeling of disappointment because, I failed in one of those categories.
I’m sick of feeling like this. I know I put ridiculous standards of perfection on myself and, I know I’m not glorifying God in any of it and, I know many of you can relate. So, I’ve started to let go of perfection for the first time in my life. Most importantly, I’m depending on God more than ever because, I’m seeing the connection of seeking perfection and pride and, I’ve realized that I need a Savior EVERY DAY who gives me grace for all of my imperfections. So, here are some ways that I’m letting go.
The Perfect Wife
I realize that every woman has created in their mind who the perfect wife is and, we try to live up to these standards that most times aren’t human: to encourage your husband daily, to always have a smile on your face, to have dinner ready every night, to have a perfectly clean house, to pray for him continuously, to always look pretty and stay in shape and whatever other ridiculous standards that may be on your list. As you have read, mine are a bit much. LOL.
The problem is that I am human and, I get attitudes and offended and I get tired and exhausted and sometimes I want to live in yoga pants with no makeup and not feel guilty about eating 3 slices of cake after dinner. I cannot do it all. I’ve realized more than ever that it is not possible to complete all a “perfect wife” would do in 24 hours and, even if I did I would be pretty unhappy.
So this year I’m letting go of these standards. I will pick and choose from my “to-do list” but, focus on what matters most. I will Be present when my husband comes home and happy to see him, rather than so physically exhausted from running like a wild woman that I can barely stand up by the time he gets home from work. I’m going to let things go so that I am more balanced physically and mentally. I am going to rely on God for my imperfections and, let go of the pride of trying to do it all. I am going to pray every morning for guidance on how to be the wife God wants me to be and to show me what to say yes to for that day.
The Perfect Mom
Oh mamas….it’s so easy for us to judge each other rather than encourage each other and one thing I realize is that EVERY mom needs encouragement. Even if you don’t agree with their parenting choices, encourage them that they are doing something right because, we are truly our worst critics which I’m learning is a good and a bad thing.
This year I’m deciding to give myself more GRACE. I’m letting go of my list of the perfect mom: the one that does devotions daily with her kids, teaches them to do a million chores, plays with each one individually every day, cooks their favorite meals, keeps the house clean but, allows them to play and have fun as kids(the 2 just don’t work together), advancing them educationally, makes sure they eat fruits & vegetables every day, makes sure every fight with their siblings ends up in a “teaching moment”, never gets angry or irritated, disciplines consistently rather than being too lazy to give another spanking or put another child in time out…and the list goes on…RIDICULOUS!
So, this year I’m not doing it all…because, guess what ?! I never do it all anyways. It’s not possible because, I’m human and they are human. But I can choose my priorities and right now that is showing them Jesus as much as possible in the years I have them with me..everything else is secondary. There is a mess every day to clean up and that will no longer take priority over quality time with my children and the important training God has called me to do with them full-time. He didn’t call me to make sure that if at any point someone stops by my house, it will be perfect. Again. Ridiculous. So, I’m picking things off “the list” that are most important and giving God my insecurities and these standards and asking Him to guide me daily.
The Perfect Friend
This is definitely a season of change for me where God has really given me wisdom (that I’ve been praying for) about what friendships to pursue and which ones to let go of, etc. For the first time in my life I have all mutually beneficial (not one-sided) friendships and, it’s so refreshing and good for my soul. I am an extrovert and making friends has never been a hard thing for me but, I also have tried to be “too much” for “too many” people rather than choosing a few friendships I truly want to go deeper with and walk through life with.
I do have a few of those that I’ve had for years and years but, I am being intentional to dig deeper, to share my “imperfections” and “truths” about life rather than a “facade” or mask. I’m asking friends real, deeper questions and moving from the surface conversations to really get to know them and learning how to pray for them and how to walk together.
One of the biggest things we forfeit by not letting anyone see the realness of our struggles is prayer. No one will pray for us if they think everything is perfect. No One is. It can’t be. We live on this earth with a real enemy that wants to discourage us, tear us apart, watch us fail, daily. When we share and walk together in Christ, He is glorified so greatly.
So, I’m being more vulnerable with a few. I’m not spreading myself so thin with so many but, focusing on depth. I will always be that person who is there for anyone who needs me, that is the heart Christ has given me but, I am focusing on deepening friendships with some really amazing people.
So, this year I turned 32 and I am truly letting go of perfection. I am being intentional in these areas to let go of these standards and “lists” I’ve put on myself. I’m being real and vulnerable with others. I’m inviting over friends without a perfectly clean house, I’m giving myself grace daily and, becoming more balanced mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I am leaning on God for wisdom on what choices to make daily that my each day would glorify Him and no longer glorify myself. I’m sure I will have times I backslide (as I’ve been living this way for so long) but, my perspective has changed this year and I’m pursing this goal of letting perfection go. I hope you do as well.
What standards do you put on yourself in any of these categories that you need to let go of? Comment below.